broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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