This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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