They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize