Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
