People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
