Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
did you just send me my own nude
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
