I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
