I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
