TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
