Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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