Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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