remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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