he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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