He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
