so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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