I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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