Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
