I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
