Will you blow on my dice?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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