I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
