We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
