so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
