everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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