To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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