i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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