just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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