and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
