I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
