I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Your dad touched me again.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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