It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
