what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
