can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
only if we run a train.
done.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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