All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
