I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
