I want to make a zoo with you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
