how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
