You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
