The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
