I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
