is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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