I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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