I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
