I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
