So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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