We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize