so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
