Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My vagina is officially offended.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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