well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
