We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Randomize
