i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
