You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
