i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
