I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Operation Purity has been aborted
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
