Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
