Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
