i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
