so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
