so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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