She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
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