I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize