Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
