apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
