I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
