I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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