so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
