6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
