Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
