the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
