The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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