Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize