Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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