I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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